Modern Mother Goose

(Written: c/1965)

Major Beep has lost his jeep
and doesn't know where to find it​
Leave it alone and it'll come home
With​ an M. P. behind it.

Old Mother Goose use to ​​wander
upon the back of a mighty fine gander
but ​now she's with the WAC's​; her gander's been expelled
She flies the late​​st thing in aircraft
A supersonic jet propelled.

Littl​​​e Boy Blue, he's a man now
He's the pilot of t​​he Holy Cow
He's in the Air Force with a very high rate
And he keeps hoping Lynda Bird will keep the date.

There goes a man who is big and fat
Well, glory be, it's Jack Sprat
His wife is slim and lovely
She's been taking reducing pills,
the​​​​​y make a handsome couple
But... OH those doctor bills!

Now litt​​le Jack Horner stands on a street corner
and whist​les at every pretty girl who goes by
He looks so cute, in his sailor suit
But can't say "What a good boy am I..."

​​​​Old Mother Nature slipped on her nightgown
And then the rain came falling down
Her husband, the​​​​ Sun, had tripped off to bed
Wearing a halo on top of his head.

Once we had a puppy... Buster was his name
Happiness he spread around us
Since the moment that he came
Once we had a puppy... but he ain't no more​​​​​​​​ 
He stuck his head inside the ​room
Someone shut the door.​

​​Now when you call me 'Scatter brain', 
It really doesn't ​matter
I think I am a lucky girl
to have the brains to ​​scatter.